A Little Dimmer Today

The morning sunrise is a little bit dimmer today.

Beverly, an older wise woman, has been a dear friend and guide for me over the past twenty years. Whenever I am down, or when the earth feels shaky under my feet, or if I am confused about the next decision in my life, I have reached out to her. Just the sound of her voice would center me again.

I tried calling her a few weeks ago and didn’t hear back. She came to mind again a few days ago, so I called and left another message. When I did not hear from her a second time, an unease rolled over me. Last night, I lay down on my bed, reached out for the MacBook, and started googling her name. Immediately, her face popped up on my screen, a younger version of herself, and an obituary letting me know that she died on December 26, 2020, at age 90.

I just stared at her photo for a while, the sound of her voice echoing in my brain. I kept googling, trying to convince myself that maybe what I was seeing was some sort of mistake, even though the names of her children and husband matched up. It took me a few more minutes to absorb what I was reading.

The tears didn’t start flowing until this morning’s light emerged over the mountain horizon. The world feels a bit dimmer today. I sit here in my meditation chair and remember her, so grateful for the time we shared together.

With more than 2.19 million COVID deaths to date, I am not alone. Before this pandemic is over, we will all be touched by the loss of someone we have loved. In the past, disasters often served to bring us together. It seems to me that right now, we are so isolated that we often turn inward, rather than toward each other. As we live through this global shared experience called COVID, we need human touch and connection more than ever. Missing an opportunity to reach outside of ourselves to connect with another during this time is a shame.

As I sit in the reality of this loss, I am reminded that:

·       We are in each other’s care – reach out.

·       We are not completely alone unless we choose to be – reach out.

·       Every day that we wake up, can take a deep breath and know we are alive, is a blessing – share it.

·       Waiting until when “this time is over” to connect is a mistake: this time is what we have right now – live it to the fullest.

·       At every opportunity, and with every interaction - commit to extend your love.

Beverly Stone was one of those people who never stopped extending her love. Her mind was open and sharp. She was an insatiable learner, saw humor in everything, shared her wisdom generously and used her life in service to others until the end. She was an inspiration to many and will be deeply missed.